I love John's Gospel because of the loving, personal relationships he depicts between the disciples and their Savior. There is heartfelt warmth that seems to embody the human qualities of Jesus, without in any way diminishing His divine nature. None of the other Gospels include this moving dialogue between Mary Magdalene and Jesus.

Let's start by setting the scene. Mary Magdalene was with the other women, watching as Jesus died on the cross. Joseph of Arimathea talked Pilate into releasing Jesus' body to him in order to bury it, and even though executed prisoners were usually denied burial, Pilate ordered the body released to Joseph, perhaps because he knew Jesus was innocent. Nicodemus, who was a disciple in secret for fear of death, helped Joseph anoint the body and wrapped it in linen, placing it in the tomb Joseph had originally purchased for himself, using one hundred pounds of spices--Roman weight--which is about seventy-five pounds averdupoids. Joseph was a rich man who could afford this, but it must have been very costly, even for him. Mary Magdalene watched this procedure from outside the tomb with Mary, the mother of Joses, according to the accounts of Matthew (27:61) and Mark (15:47). John's account does not mention them. The stone was rolled in front of the tomb quickly, so they could observe the Sabbath, which was fast approaching.

The Sabbath started Friday evening, ending at dusk on Saturday. Nobody would be willing to travel to the tomb on Saturday after dusk, so the women rise early on Sunday to go to the tomb and finish the job of anointing the body. It was commonly believed that the spirit of a person hung around the body for three days, after which the body was too decomposed for the spirit to accept, so it departed. If anything was to be done with the body, it would have to be Sunday, or not at all.

Early Sunday, the women walk to the tomb, worrying about how they could have the stone rolled away for them, as it is unlikely anyone would be around to help them. The anointing by the two men, and by these women is unusual in itself, for usually family members performed this service for their loved ones. One wonders why Mary, Jesus' mother, and the brothers who have been mentioned several times during the Gospels, aren't performing this task. Perhaps the shame of having a family member publicly denounced and crucified is enough to keep them away. Perhaps they don't know that Joseph of Arimathea has provided a tomb, and they assume Jesus died without being allowed burial, as so many others have. We don't know.

The women arrive to find the tomb open, the stone rolled away, and the body gone. They are utterly shocked. Mary Magdalene and the other women race to tell the first person they can think of--Peter, who has assumed leadership of the remaining disciples. John is with him or nearby, and they both race to the tomb, but John is faster, and arrives first. The other women go home, possibly to tell their relations the news.

Mary Magdalene follows the two men to the tomb. Both men see the empty tomb, but John realizes first that Jesus has been resurrected on seeing the way the linen wrappings are arranged. Mary, however, assumes the worst. As far as she is concerned, not only is Jesus dead, but someone has actually stolen the body away before it is even properly prepared for burial, and for all she knows, they have desecrated it.

Poor Mary. The others have left her there, probably without even noticing her. She is alone and inconsolable. She doesn't even recognize angels when she sees them, she is so caught up in her desolation. Her whole world has crumbled around her.

Into this pit of darkness Jesus appears to her. John points out that she is the first one to whom Jesus appears in His risen form. In fact, the Orthodox Study Bible I have calls her the "apostle to the apostles," because she runs to tell the other apostles that she has seen Jesus alive. Note that she is not believed by the apostles according to Mark (9:11--the longer ending) and Luke (24:10-11). Thomas is not the only one who does not believe when he is told of the resurrection.

Blinded by her own tears, Mary Magdalene thinks He is the gardener. She is only snapped out of her preoccupation by his calling her name. She responds with "Rabboni!", which means "teacher" in Aramaic. Her sudden, intense joy at seeing him alive must be overwhelming, but she is stopped by his next words. "Don't touch me," He says, "for I have not yet ascended to the Father."

Now that's harsh. I have seen other translations, like "Don't cling to me," or "Don't come near me," but they all disturb me in the deepest core of my being. I can't help it. If your best friend was killed and then suddenly appeared to you, alive and well, what would you want to do? I don't know about you, but there would be a lot of hugging, if it was me! I wouldn't let go for quite a while! This is bad enough, but soon after this, in John 20:26-29, not only does Jesus appear to Thomas and tell him to touch him, but He tells him to put his fingers in the nail holes and his hand in His side!

Why? Why would He even bother appearing to Mary Magdalene alone, if it wasn't so He could comfort her and announce to her that He had risen from the dead? He could just have easily appeared to her with all the other women, or with the apostles all together and avoided hurting her by saying this to her. Was there some kind of taboo about touching women? There didn't seem to be before this, when He had his feet washed and anointed in both Luke (7:36-40), by a supposed harlot, and in John (12:1-11), when Mary of Bethany, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, anoints his feet with ointment.

I tried to reconcile this with what felt like Jesus trying to console Mary, and couldn't. I finally began to think that perhaps He didn't mean it in quite that way. Perhaps I just wasn't reading the passage correctly.

Was Jesus trying to save her reputation, knowing that some day many people would assume that she was a harlot? No, if He was being careful of her reputation, He never would have met with her alone. Besides, it didn't work. Most people today are still confused, believing that Mary Magdalene was a reformed prostitute, even though there is no basis in any of the Gospels that supports this idea. They even have her mixed up with Mary of Bethany, the sister of Martha and Lazarus.

William Barclay's commentary suggests that there were translation problems--from Aramaic to Greek, in which case Jesus might have said something like, "Hold me not; but before I ascend to my Father, go to my brethren. . . " He also cites a possible problem with confusing the words meaning "don't be afraid," with the words meaning "don't touch me." According to the Interpreter's Bible, however, this latter explanation is not well supported.

Another suggestion from the commentaries is that the ascension may have occurred on the same day as the resurrection. While it is not said, this seems to imply that Jesus ascends to the Father more than once, with the ascension that the disciples all witness depicted as the formal public farewell. In essence, He is going home.

I don't know. I obviously don't have all the answers. The "huggy" person in me can't help but think that Jesus was actually telling Mary Magdalene something like, "Don't cling to me. I don't have time for hugs right now. Go tell the others you've seen me, and we'll celebrate later."

We could speculate all day and all night on what Jesus meant by what He said, if He actually said what is written here, and the chronicler didn't mistranslate it into Greek, or the copyist didn't have vision problems or misinterpret the words. It would still be speculation, and, as troubling as it is to me, it really isn't all that important. It seems much more important, for whatever reason, that Jesus appeared to Mary alone, and in a loving manner. She who had been faithful to Him since He cast seven demons out of her was given the gift of being the first one to see Him and proclaim the good news--even before He appeared to the eleven remaining disciples. This is quite an honor, if you consider women's status in her day.

What does this all mean to us today, two thousand years or so later? There must be a reason behind all these vignettes where Jesus personally appeared to people like Peter, Mary Magdalene, and Thomas. To me, they make the experience of the resurrection more real. They make His love for us more human. They bridge the gap between the divine and the mundane. Without these stories of His comforting those who were grieving, He might just as well have appeared to everyone at once and proclaimed His victory over death. I don't think it would have meant as much to us if He had. It would not have been as personal a message.

I believe Jesus didn't just die for us and conquer death. I believe He cares very much for us as individuals, especially when we are in pain or grieving. Why else would He want to make sure that Mary Magdalene, out of all the people to whom He appeared, believed He was truly alive? His appearance for her was special, because He simply didn't wait until she was in a crowd of other people to prove to her that He was alive. He appeared then, when she was in terrible emotional pain--when she really needed Him.

I believe Jesus loves us so much that He wants us to be happy. God is not the God of suffering and death, but the God of life eternal and joy. We need to remember that we are truly loved by God. We need to feel it in our bones. Yes, Jesus did personally sacrifice himself for us on the cross--out of obedience to the Father, but by His own choice, and with love for each of us--but He also rose again on the third day to prove to us that death itself is conquered, that we who believe without actually seeing Him in the flesh can say with conviction:

Alleluia! The Lord is risen! The Lord is risen indeed!

Amen.